Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Way Things Are

I am so tired.

I want to write and paint and knit and read more and explore with my camera. I have nine hours before I have to rise again and get ready for work. I've work at this job since 1987 and I feel so burned out. My sense of responsibility keeps me going but I am so tired.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I like the people I work with and I very much like the students, but after nearly 20 years I am starting to feel very burned out. I am so tired.

Six years ago when the creative part of me started clawing its way out of its hiding place in the safe corner of my heart, I never imagined that I would get to a point that the only thing I wanted to be doing was writing, painting, collaging, taking pictures, and just plain creating. Now I feel that the daytime hours are stolen hours. I get home and the dishes stay in the sink, laundry waits, the clutter of daily life grows. The weekend arrives and I have two days to do all the things I did not do during the week and inbetween I fit in my mom, take her out, spend time with her. I am so tired.

Fit her IN???? That sounds terrible. She isn't a duty. She isn't a burden. She's my mom. I don't have the Monday through Friday "stolen hours" to share with her. So, I try to come up with new and original ways to bring some joy into her life. That is something I will never tire of.

I'm far enough away from the spring break of just a couple of weeks ago that now I'm really starting to feel the burn out again. I am so tired.

Photo Credit to Becky in Vancouover.


krista said...

Are there any things you and your mom can create together?

Not to be an annoying advice giver. I just get what you mean about the stolen hours, and trying to come up with ways to get more time...

AnnieElf said...

Hi Krista, Tried to find an email at your site, but no luck. Hope you see this reply.

Your suggestion is thoughtful and welcomed. Mom had a stroke three years ago and we lost a lot of potential for activities. One thought I've had recently is to sit her at my kitchen table and let her go at it with scraps of paper and glue like a three year old. The results might be very surprising. If we do that this weekend, I'll post the results here.

Jeremy said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling short of energy and robbed of time, Annie.
You're about as positive a person as I know, so I think you'll use suggestions like Krista's and get through it.

Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

Sleep Angel and make little changes in your routine...."I am so tired" make me feel very sorry for you. Change is good, it might be the needed thing to blog the stagant energy flow?

organicpixel said...

I'm tired too, days never have enough hours.

I think it's fantastic how you work so hard to keep your mother exploring the world and bring her joy. So few people do that for their parents in their later years and it's such a missed opportunity that will be gone all to soon.

Enjoyed reading your words, nice to see you making a point to write, that's someting I can still rarely bring myself to do.

With love and well wishes, M`

Biene Vallee said...

Oh, Annie, every March and April I went into this gargantuan slump, and had to drag myself through every single class. Other than drinking a billion gallons of water and/or quitting, you'll just have to accept where you are for now. Oh, I forgot, you told me not to mention that when I saw you! I saw your mamma and her babies at MSR today-so cute. How about pudding as finger-paint? It's edible and doesn't require too many small motor skills.

hazzbuzz said...

Hi Annie,
Thanks for the encouraging comments, hope you managed to get some time to yourself too. When there's so many roles to play sometimes there's no time to just be ourselves, but that's really vital I think,
All the best to you

krista said...

Hi, I did see your response here. My email is krist@thesilentk dot com.

That sounds like a really cool idea. I hope your mom has fun. I know I would have fun doing at paper, glue and scissors like a 3 year old. Awesome!