I was 21 when I embarked on my first and very ill-fated marriage and one of the things you discover as you unbury the past are the bench post reminders of turning points in your life. The collapse of my first marriage would certainly qualify.Back then I was so filled with anguish. So filled with despair and confusion. Fast-forward now 38 years, and I have a lot of the answers that eluded me back then.
Tonight I found a sheet of paper that has survive the trip to present day and the poem written on it reminds me vividly of the young woman who doesn't exist anymore except in memory. She has grown strong and is better in all ways, great and small. Here is that poem.
Landscapes
The coffee shop was our first battleground;
tea and toast between us.
What is God? Where is God?
Does God exist at all?
***
Offering and withholding -
The ivory tower caged your mind
You opened yourself - I entered
Into a fools paradise.
***
Oneness was an illusion
I was a part but apart
You tempted, teased, taunted
Gave me your body but not your heart.
***
You wanted someone like me.
Why not me?
What did he have to give
but living death?
***
School, work, marriage gone
Life like a sleeping earth.
21 comments:
ahh AnnieElf - wonderful poem... it is amazing how much things from our past have such an influence on us..then we move on, grow and look back in wonder on how far we have come! love you lots xo
Haunting poem. I'm sure when you married the first time, you believed and vowed that it was to be forever. It had to be so difficult to realize that was not to be.
xo
"You wanted someone like me.
Why not me?
What did he have to give
but living death?"
How apt...
Welcome to PT.
Such an insightful poem. But we are the special people we are today because of the things...good and bad...that we experienced in our pasts.
Why did you not major in English? You could have done an "Eat my dust" thing! I'm bowled over!
Such a good poem. It sums things up nicely on what as obviously a not so nice time of your life. Amazing what perspective can do for a person's sense of self and confidence.
What a very emotive and moving poem - I'm sorry you had a bad experience in your first marriage, but I'm glad now you can see it as a positive step in your life.
Thanks for your comments, they are as always, much appreciated :) Have a good week / weekend!
Love your poem and love and identified with your introduction to your poem the most specially with this:
She has grown strong and is better in all ways, great and small.
You are the GREATEST!
WOW! What a poem! That isn't my life, but I could feel the pain and hope in your's at that time. Good, even really good, even great poem! And gutsy! Whew! What a strength tower you have become.
That poem truly does emote everything you felt at the time...it's wonderful that you were able to move on and start another life for yourself. I married at 18 and now 31 years later wish I had never made that mistake. xox
Ah, the death of dreams and hopes. An evocative piece of poetry that portrays the plethora of pain that plagues us.
Onesness is an illusion in many marriages - well written and well done for moving on.
I like the simple way you put this.
I'd guess a lot of people can relate to relationships like that at some point in thier lives. great poem and I'm glad you've moved on and haven't had this relationship haunt you for too long
Powerfully wrapped up in that last line, Annie.
That was a wonderful poem. I can relate to it so much when my first marriage collapsed too. It does us good to look back and then to be thankful for the happiness we have now.
I can identify with an early first marriage and that poem. Very wise words for someone so young. xo
Can't believe this is your first contribution!
Love the turmoil in the poem, and the fact that you sorted it out and moved on.
Annie
a perfect photo to go with your poetry, memories deep at heart brought up and made whole. The ebb and flow of life and love.
That would have been my poem when my first marriage ended--if I could write poetry. Love the photo.
Annie,
Your very thoughtful reflections have stirred up my own. Thank you for sharing and much warmth across the miles as you work through these reflections.
Frida
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