Moving North

A few months ago there was an exhibit in the art gallery that I just loved. But more than the exhibit, I loved the catalog they made for it. Every time I walked by the gallery, I would pick up multiple copies of the catalog. My intention was to use the pages as an already decorated journal. So far I have filled up three of the catalogs.

This week when I finished filling the third one I noticed the credits on the back page. The exhibit was on loan from the Riverside Art Museum in Riverside California. I found myself feeling curiously at home. I felt like I was closing a circle. I held the catalog and thought back to that uncertain time in my life and with a perspective of 30 years find myself pleased with how things turned out for me.

In 75-77 I attend and graduated from UC Riverside. As I say on the last page of my journal posted above, it wasn't the happiest time of my life. But it has turned out to be a doorway from one life to the next and for that I will always be grateful that I was led to attend this school. The circle isn't perfect and it is formed from part memory, part modeling at the art museum, part yearning for a direction that wasn't formed yet, and part clouded in mist. Memories may not be so clear now and modeling is definitely history. But the direction has formed and the mists have risen.

Somewhere along the line I discovered that I like to dabble in art but I get a rush when it comes to writing. Somewhere along the line I realized that in order to really write I would have to find classes, workshops, structured instruction. Funny how things come to you when you ask - REALLY ask. I found the poetry workshop I was looking for and I signed up for it today. I did a search at Good Reads for other Turlock members and one I found is a poet. I invited him to join my friends list and with his agreement I suddenly have this amazing wealth of books to explore - all poetry.

Today is the end of my summer. I may have one more Friday off but I am suddenly so busy, it may not happen. School starts again on September 5th and the rapidity of its approach leaves me almost breathless. But today I was visiting with our technician and I realized that I wasn't stressed out about the buzz, activity and demands starting again. After all, Ken is just starting out in his career, just starting to build his family. I'm at the tail end of these human endeavors. Two years and I retire. The light isn't a pinprick anymore. I can SEE the end of the tunnel. I feel a security that I did not feel before. Responsibilities tend to make you insecure. After all, what if you blow it? What if you fail? Think of all the people that depend on you.

But today is the end of my summer and tomorrow I get to leave for a while and share a couple of days with Corey and her family. When I met Corey face to face in March, I was just at the beginning of the internal changes that started taking me over. I was on the brink of going sleeveless. I was just starting to get comfortable facing a camera again. I was about to embark on a journey that so far has helped me to loss 23 lbs. Now I'm going to start taking a class in the art of writing poetry. I'm starting to take my art seriously. I'll be back on Saturday with lots to share, perhaps even a poem or two.