Friday, September 21, 2007

I am not compelled . . .

I realized something today. I have not posted since Monday and I have not fretted about it one little bit. There has been a small voice inside my head, for a long time, driving me to write and post for the sake of posting. It didn't matter if I had anything to say or not, just write. I suppose this could be considered a good thing, but not in this case. It felt compulsive, unsatisfying, and I had let other creative activities suffer while I fretted about not writing.


Then I started the poetry workshop. Finally and at last I had made a choice to do something to push myself forward in my creative development; something that was formal and structured, not just me, on my own, working independently. Somewhere along the way I've discovered the value of going to the mountain and kneeling at the feet of a master. I had no idea that the formal structure of a class would not only improve my skills but it would relax me and release me from feeling uncertain about my own skills.

It has been sneaking up on me that I need to acknowledge my gifts and not hold any false modesty; not be embarrassed by compliments. Self-confidence is a vital ingredient for creative growth and maturity and I've stymied myself for too long, not believing in myself.

So, here I am, five days later, posting again and feeling good about it, not compelled. And the week has been a good one. I've been working on poetry exercises and I picked up my knitting needles. I had no idea what I was making when I started out but eventually I found myself making a wall hanging. It's not finished yet but stay tuned.

6 comments:

Julie Marie said...

Annie,

You and I have discovered the same thing at the same time, which I quoted (from Mary Englebreit, from ???):

Neglect not, the gift that is in thee.

Yes, let us HONOR our gifts!

Julie

cd&m said...

Oh well done, sometimes blogging does seem to get compulsive doen't it? Sounds like you've got it sorted though now, after all it should be a pleasure not a chore.

Geri said...

welcome back!

miss*R said...

I'm not posting as often as I was either - I am spending time outside connecting with nature and my own SELF... sometimes, I can post 2 or 3 times a day..chatter, chatter, chatter.. others, I simply want to be quiet
xoxo

Kahshe Cottager said...

I am glad for you AnnieElf! You are finding yourself and your posts sound so much more content and happy (with yourself and your world) than a few months ago!

HUGS

Lea said...

Wise words my friend! When blogging becomes a chore, a have to, it looses at least for me, its joy and freshness and the reason I started in the first place! Your posts are a delight, and when I find myself here, I am inspired and touched by your being.