Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Revising

I posted this poem last year and this week's lesson is on revisions. I tore into it and updated it twice more before posting it again. I will miss this workshop when it ends.

CONVERSATIONS I HAVE OVERHEARD

I - Emergency room

One room, two beds
A curtain in between.

Conversations overheard, unwhispered,
The curtain is too thin.

Children shriek in fear and protest,
The curtain is too thin.

Deafening sounds, beeps and pings,
The curtain is too thin.

Smells assail, sharp and astringent,
The curtain is too thin.

Quietly my daughter sobs,
Pressed against my heart.

Thin curtains do not matter

5 comments:

Lea said...

Oh AnnieElf... what a painting you've given us... no curtain to hide the view of the strength and beauty of your heart...

Mary Timme said...

My heart is ripped open. . . surely I can't feel this much. . .
Thank God for the thin curtain of the internet for privacy in such a moment.

Julie Marie said...

Annie,

I would have loved to have sat beside you and taken the class with you. It sounds as if you have learned so much.

I don't know what this poem was like before, but it is terrific now.

Julie

stephanie said...

Your writing is very powerful indeed.

[a} said...

The ending of this poem was completely unexpected for me! I love it! A thin curtain..that can be applied to so much other than hospitals.