Saturday, May 04, 2013

Melancholia

It doesn't take much to tip me into feelings of melancholy.  Surprise! since I generally try to be upbeat.  But sometimes little things pile up and, well, there I am.  Between the heat, seeing a much anticipated baby picture yesterday, spatting with the hubs, and meeting a young man at Starbucks with too much on his parental plate, I just sank.

You may recall Elisa's Story from a few months back.  Her story had a happy ending in that Elisa was saved from the debasement of a forced abortion and her little unborn girl was saved.  Cierra was born yesterday and everyone is so happy to see her healthy and whole.  

We knew several months ago that Erin and Quanah, who were in line as possible adoptive parents, would not be chosen.  Once the court and the state of Nevada got involved, any decision making was taken out of the hands of the custodial grandparents.  

Though bittersweet, we were very happy that baby Cierra would live and find her way into the arms of a loving couple ready to take her into their hearts and home.  For me, there was a brief moment of weepiness and wistfulness.  After all, this was my almost grandchild but the joy of seeing her so healthy and beautiful and loved and protected swept away the moment of self-pity.

Then today I went to Starbucks for their good ice coffee (no sweetener, please) and settled in for some reading of Chesterton's Orthodoxy.  Across from me was a young man with a very young baby in a stroller. It didn't take me long to discover there was a lot of sadness in his life.  I have to ask - why does this happen to me?  One of our family truisms is give me five minutes and I'll learn everything I need to know about a person.  Not like I set out to do that (I generally don't), but it does sort of happen.  And happen in did.  Again.

Divorced
Four year old daughter in Virginia
Uncooperative ex-wife
New girlfriend gets pregnant
Now they are broken up
He's a baby daddy and . . . 

. . . it's just plain sad.  It didn't help that he didn't want this baby.  Of course, he's there now and stepping up and seemed totally comfortable handling his tiny little girl.  And I just fell into a state a melancholy that I couldn't shake.  

I have to ask God, why does it seem so easy for some people to become parents (and in too many cases, carelessly) and for others it's an impossibility?  Why are there so many aborted babies and so many aching and empty arms that remain that way because of abortion?  It's an unanswerable question and it just leaves me feeling sad, not just for myself but for Q and Erin, my brother and his wife, and for all the many others who can't have children of their own.  

8 comments:

Pam said...

Oh Annie - I feel for you.
It has always been a big question for me also, and one I have never been able to understand. Many who cannot have children of their own would make such wonderful parents, their grief made stronger by the experiences, choices and actions of others. One of Life's perplexing mysteries.
I'm glad you wrote this post - we all have times like this, particularly when family means so much - I'm sure your two little doggies tail wags help lift your spirits. We take blessings where we can find them don't we. You are a kind soul and the talk probably meant a lot to that young father who may have a rocky confusing path ahead of him. "In the end, only kindness matters."

Annie said...

Dear Pam,

Thanks so much for your kind comment. I woke up this morning feeling better but still not quite myself. The pups were even on edge yesterday trying to be sweet one moment and then jittery the next and barking at the smallest noise. Definitely not a good day. Your comment about the young man was spot on. He has a hard road ahead of him and sadly I don't think the kids will have it easy either.

Ginny said...

There is a wonderful series on PBS called "Call The Midwife" They dealt with this last week. It is on Sunday nights, give it a try, thoroughly charming, an English period series set in the fifties. I have often thought we have to take driving tests, but there is no test to be a good parent...a free country and so on. Sometimes we can be too smart and introspective for our own good mental health. Try more coffee.

Jeanie said...

I understand the confusion, Annie, and feel for you. Some things have no answers, I think. And those sort of bits are very upsetting.

One thing of which I do feel confident -- there will be a child in Quanah's life -- maybe more than one. And it will be loved beyond belief.

Trust, Annie. Trust and love.

Genie Robinson said...

I am so glad the abortion was aborted and the child is going to be adopted by a loving family. That is the way it is supposed to be. genie

The Polka Dot Closet said...

Sorry you had a tough day I can see why. I don't know the answer to your question, so many loving people that want children.

Carol

Miss Robyn said...

I don't know Annie xoxo but I am holding your hand and heart and sending much love across the Ocean.. so glad that you shared your feelings.. so that you can be held by your friends xoox

Pear tree cottage! said...

Annie hello to you here today - I read this post of yours and felt sad and angry and happy all taking their time to reach my mind but then like a light going off in my head I simply heard the words "god has his plan" and that is exactly as it is I am sure. Love being here today with you and guess I was so ment to be. I am on Facebook! Long story! But I get to see grandchildren I would not otherwise see.

Your Aussie friend Lee-Ann