As I forge through my second week with Jenny, I find I have been passing some very difficult evening challenges. I've had two evenings in a row that I've wanted to EAT. Interestingly, I wasn't hungry. However, last night I was aware of Don's post cataract surgery condition (no problems) and was deeply concerned about Krista's illness.
I suppose it doesn't really matter how old your child is when they have been derailed by these sorts of illness; one always worries while trying to be reassuring. So I was hit by the challenge of comfort eating. Comfort eating has always been a way to distract myself from my immediate concerns. I got through it. Rewiring of the old habits continues but my brain got angry with me and in the middle of the night hit me with a nasty dream about my mother. Sometime during my sleep this night I was hit with a very troubling dream.
I found myself on the 3rd floor of a very long building. It appeared as though I entered from a middle entrance. Once I reached the 3rd floor I turned right and started down a long hallway. The hall was so long, starting at the mid-point of the building, that I could not see the information desk/nursing station I was seeking. Eventually I arrived.
When I arrived at the nursing station I was given my mother's room number. This alone seemed odd to me that I did not know her location ahead of time, just that she was there in the building. The room number was a 4 digit number with an 11 in there somewhere. The most disturbing part o f the dream was being told that the resident doctore would not see my mother or do anything to help her. This would have included care and comfort. From there the dream started to unravel and I never did see myself going in search of my mother's room.
I'm sure that on some level my brain was reacting in anger to my not giving in to the comfort eating impulse last night. Krista has been very sick as well with a viral infection an ulcer in her throat and badly swollen glands behind both ears. I have been wearing the mother hat of caring for my sick child and also remember clearly how out of control I felt to help my mother.
10 comments:
I will keep her in my prayers.
Three trying things at once. How difficult for you. Yet I know that you'll do just fine on all fronts. Hang in there.
I wonder if the "11" in your dreams was a connection to "911" for help, or "411" for information?
Either way I know how troubling dreams of this type can be.
I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
xo
Now there's a thought Susie. There would certainly be a connection with a call for help or for information. Thank you!
You truly have a gift with words, Annie -- I was moved and touched as I read of your difficulties and your dreams.
My prayers and love are coming your way.
wow. just wow. sounds like you are staying strong. contemplative and strong during a tough time times three.
You need a lot of hugs, motivation and TLC now...I`m giving you some virtual one`s from this side....be strong...I`m also doing the dieting struggle on this side...so you are not alone in this.
Hope your daughter gets better real soon...thinking of you...with you
It is coincidence that the dream happened after your mind trying to tell you that your stomach required food, when it in fact did not. Remember how my mind began to tell me that I required chocolate HoHos, when I began to quite smoking? The mind is a tickster. Anyway...your emotional and mental system is beginning to relax from the tension of caring for Mom and the dream is a manifestation of old fears. Part of PTS. You're releaving yourself. :)
Yes, I DO remember that. What a memory and you don't even really care for chocolate that much. Thanks, hon, for your insight and support. It means the world to me.
Annie, hope Krista and Don are both doing much better soon - and that you're not plagued by such dreams! As for comfort eating, that's a familiar story. Glad you're having success in changing behavioural patterns. xo
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